Why Moms Don’t Need New Years Resolutions…
The answer is, because we are reinventing ourselves all the time as it is!
I mean, really, who has a year to change just one thing? Sometimes I feel like I am a new person every day (or every hour) in order to accommodate my kids and their changing needs. Chef, laundress, underwater unicorn princess… (Have you entered the stage of imaginary play yet???)
Who has time for one more “new thing”?
Rather than adding one more new goal, maybe reflect and congratulate yourself on how you are doing with the ever changing stages of motherhood. How are you doing with all of THAT newness?
Has anyone asked you that lately? Take a minute to think of an answer! It’s not rhetorical.
As a mom with almost 10 years under my belt, oftentimes I feel like I’m my clients’ big sister, so I thought I’d share some “real talk” from the trenches you might find yourselves in some time not too far in the future.
Initially, when I was in your stage, I remember feeling like I was on a ride that never stopped. It was amazing (and also draining). It was nothing like anything else I’d ever experienced, mostly in a very good way. Mesmerizing, energizing, miraculous, and – whoa – so much work. I felt like I was always chasing a moving target, trying to morph into the version of Mom they needed that day, wondering, “Am I hitting the mark? Am I getting this right?”
But here’s the part where I tell you what’s in your future. Are you ready for this…?
As they’ve turned from little kids to bigger kids, I’ve realized that - guess what - I still wonder if I’m hitting the mark, nearly every day. The topics are different, but the need for constant change is still very much alive. Here’s a real-life story of my January.
This month I found myself grappling with my children’s emotional wellbeing in ways I could never have foreseen. My 9 year old is struggling with intense feelings, anger, and social pressure. My 7 year old feels bullied, anxious, and afraid of things that are not real threats. How do you help 1st and 4th graders navigate age-appropriate but uncomfortable feelings? What do you say when you know there’s more of this coming their way, but you wish you could protect them from every emotional bruise, but you know you can’t?
No idea, but I’ll figure it out.
Why? Because that’s motherhood. We have no idea. And then we figure it out. And then we do that again. Over and over and over. And eventually that uncertainty doesn’t feel so scary because we know the story ends with us figuring it out. And that is a huge confidence-builder!
My point is, motherhood is its OWN New Year’s Resolution because we are reinventing ourselves literally all the time. New roles are constant because our kids are growing in all of these wonderful and challenging ways. It is a blessing to witness. AND when we are winging it, we are building our own confidence for the next round of change.
My advice from a few years ahead of you is:
Prepare to feel unprepared. (I’m sorry to all the planners, and I am you!)
Give yourself a lot of credit for managing it anyway. You get it done. That is a victory.
Give yourself grace for mistakes or feelings of failure. Trust that motherhood is a process and also that most decisions you make are not permanent. You can always try something different.
I hope you can take time this month to observe your evolution and to be proud of all you are handling. New beginnings are a lot of work. The mental load of unpredictability is much larger than we realize.
But I do know one thing that is not going to change.
As we approach another year of newness, I’m glad we are all in this together.
xo
Traci (more below)
Before signing off, we do have a few quick things to report:
1 We won!! We won first place in Rockford’s “Community Votes” poll in the category of Midwives and Doulas! Our whole team is feeling very blessed and honored to be recognized in our community. Thank you for everyone who voted or passes our name along to other moms who need support.
2 We are on IG @backtoyousupport (birth) and @mom_pods (motherhood). It is hard to grow a presence online, and your help would be tremendous. Please follow, like, and share if our posts resonate with you.
3 We now offer packages to save extra money when booking a birth doula with us! Check them out on our website here and please share them with your pregnant friends.
4 Our Mom Pods are still taking off with record attendance and rave reviews. Moms consistently tell me they did not expect to get so much out of 45 minutes a week for so little money and effort. Some of our moms have even become “in-person friends” too. If you have a kiddo under 5, or are pregnant, you qualify. Moms are paired with moms who have similarly aged kids, so don’t be shy if you’re a toddler mama. I SO WISH this existed when I was a mom. Let us know if you want to learn more by visiting us here.
