Maternal Mental Health and Suicide Prevention
September, 2023
The first time I ever heard the word doula was when my brother died.
My brother was a physician who died by suicide. After 2 years of fertility treatments, he and his wife finally conceived their miracle baby. He called me crying with tears of joy, so excited he would finally get to be a dad. Nineteen weeks later, one week before their anatomy scan where they would find out their baby was a perfect and healthy baby girl, his wife became a widow. How does this happen? That is for another newsletter. But on behalf of Suicide Prevention Month, I wanted to share something a little more personal than usual.
When my sister-in-law got closer to her due date, I wanted to do whatever I could to fill the empty shoes Kevin left behind. We weren’t that close because of a large age difference, but we were the only family each other had for hundreds of miles. That was when I heard of a Doula. Kim hired a Birth Doula to assist with her birth so that she would not have to labor alone and could get the support, nurturing, and guidance she deserved. I can’t tell you how overjoyed I was to find out this type of role existed for her. And, frankly, I was a little relieved because I was becoming extremely nervous about being her support person, having never been anywhere close to childbirth or babies in my life. As I write this now, I completely understand how spouses must feel when they feel pressure to be their wives’ everything-person during labor. Why should they know anything at all? I certainly didn’t.
Many years passed, and my sister-in-law and her daughter thrived, despite a hole in their lives left by my beloved brother. I too went on with my adult life and didn’t think much about that Doula. Ten years later, just after emerging from my own postpartum struggle, with a toddler, a baby, and a struggling marriage, I met the second Doula in my life, totally by accident, and she changed my path forever.
It was at this meeting that I learned how much a Doula can do, not just for the birth itself, but for a mother’s self-confidence, sense of adequacy, and her feelings of being supported. I had no business offering these things to any woman, having no experience supporting anyone besides my kids, and not knowing what it felt like to BE supported by anyone else. But, lucky for me (I think?) I tend to be a bit of a challenge-junky, so I set out to become the very thing I needed for myself, hoping I could save some moms from the experience of overwhelm, anxiety and loneliness that I felt throughout my pregnancies and early motherhood.
My role as a Birth Doula was meant to enhance your experience as a new mom, hopefully preventing you from experiencing some of the challenges I faced when I was in that place. But, as it turned out, being a Doula healed me too. It allowed me to share, give, and grow. It welcomed me into your worlds, a world outside of my own, which felt small and lonely and sad. It walked with me through my eventual divorce, reminding me that there was rebirth all around me, and I would get my next chapter too. Connecting with you, and giving you the tools, support, and hope that you needed, lifted me up too. And it still does.
So, on behalf of September being Suicide Prevention Month, I just want to thank you for my own mental health. You thought you needed me, but the truth is, I needed you too.
With Love,
Traci
If you or someone you know could benefit from mental health support, please reach out. We can help find resources locally, but, if urgent, call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.
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September is Suicide Prevention Month
The postpartum period, while filled with joy and the arrival of a new life, can also be an emotionally taxing time for many mothers. The hormonal changes, sleep deprivation, the loss of your pre-baby identity, and adapting to your new roles and responsibilities takes a toll on the majority of new moms’ mental health.
Studies have shown that postpartum depression and anxiety are as common as 1 in 5 moms, and death by suicide is a leading cause of maternal mortality, peaking at 9 months postpartum. Postpartum mental health is gaining recognition, but these rates of maternal mortality due to suicide continue to rise. We must work together to raise awareness, reduce stigma, and support postpartum moms. The best thing you can do to promote the education and destigmatization of maternal mental health is to share your truth. The extreme and tragic endings happen when moms feel like no one else can understand what they’re going through. So tell your story, even the hard parts. You never know who might be listening who desperately needed to hear it that day.
No one should go through motherhood alone.
For more information on the 2022 study on suicide and maternal mortality, please click here.